Misdemeanors x6
by amirmitchell
Summary: "Lucas Friar," he introduces, moving his hand into hers for an awkward handshake,"Resident prison wife and friendly university prankster." "Maya Hart," she returns the gesture,"Resident jail pimp and not so friendly neighborhood vandal." /some of maya and lucas's college experiences with the law and/or 5 times they get arrested separately and 1 time they get arrested together


**_as always i thrive off comments and kudos and reviews and favorites and all that fun stuff so y'all should do that_**

 ** _oh and ps lmao so my tumblr got hacked and deleted so you can follow me now at peytongrahms if you want_**

 ** _1._**

"I'll let you sit here while we get ahold of Ms. Matthews," the officer sighs, slamming the cell door shut with a bang. Maya throws an innocent grin before saluting.

"Always a pleasure, Rick."

She expects Riley there to pick her up within a half hour, so finding somewhere to sit isn't her biggest concern. She's found herself in the city's holding cell at least once a month since her junior year of high school, and now a freshman at university, Topanga's hookups with the chief still work in her favor.

She scans the cell, the usual load of prostitutes and bar warriors greeting her with welcome waves. Her heels click against the pavement as she finds an empty seat beside an unfamiliar face, one far too attractive to be in here for anything too bad.

"Small cell. Cute boy," she flirts, plopping down next to him,"Must be my lucky day."

"Well, hey there-" He starts with enough of an accent to ignite something inside her to make it a joke.

"Yikes, rough accent. Tough break."

He looks offended, obviously not used to immediate rejection. She assumes that his western charm is his effortless line to use on poor girls searching for an exotic romance in the city.

"Not the most important thing about me, though, Blondie. Around here, they call me Mad Dog."

Maya can't hold back her laughter at him. "Blondie? A cowboy with a dark side? How original! Which line were you planning while I walked over? Birthing a cow or that bad boy bullshit? Neither one would've worked so..." She disregards his scoff at her disinterest. "What're you even in for, Mad Dog?"

"Scribing profanity into windshields belonging to innocent citizens," he boasts mockingly. A police officer glares towards them as Maya snickers.

"Wrote swear words in the dirt, huh?"

"A little bit." He shrugs at his predictable crime. "What about you?"

"Well, I-"

"Maya Penelope Hart! Running shirtless? Seriously!? In public?"

A grin spread from ear to ear, pride bubbling in the heart of her laughter. "It was a dare! I couldn't say no."

"Yes, you could've!" Riley shrieks, her best attempt at a frown pressing into her features. "Stay here while I go get your things. Don't think I'm not telling when we get back!" Her eyes fall back to the boy sitting beside her troublemaker. "And do not even start to think about bringing home a fellow convict."

"What're you talking about, Riles? This is my prison wife!" Maya calls out as Riley storms off.

"Sister?" Mad Dog asks, chuckling at Maya's frantic friend.

"Something like that." Stretching out her back, Maya awaits the proper authority to release her into her best friend's care. When her last name is called, she's held back by the voice of her companion.

"See ya next time, Penelope."

She smirks, tossing him a wink before exiting the cell. "Wouldn't miss it for the world, Mad Dog."

 ** _2._**

She's surprised to see a familiar face as she's lead to the holding cell, a small stumble in her step. His figures slumps against the wall, her haze of drugs blurring him slightly before she makes out the green of his eyes.

"Mad Dog!" Maya grins excitedly. She'd secretly been hoping to run into him again, much to Riley's dismay. "What a small world!"

His head snaps up at the giggling blonde, a tad bit more bubbly than she was a few weeks before. "Penelope," he greets, patting the metal bench to his left. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Get lost on your way to the cattle pageant?" she asks, taking her seat. She uses a thick accent, clapping along to each syllable.

"I don't talk like that."

"My name's not Penelope." She shrugs indifferently before he speaks again.

"So, not Penelope, what're you in here with me for now?"

It's a really funny story in her opinion.

"Got caught smoking a blunt behind a building while my best friend was working."

"That's not so bad."

"It was a church. My best friend works with nuns."

To Riley? Not so much.

"Yikes."

"Yikes indeed. Quite frankly, I feel like I was doing the right thing. I'm starting a movement: _Praise it while you blaze it_. It's a nonprofit organization for churchgoers that need to get high enough for that stick up their ass to slip out."

"I take it your best friend was a bit upset?"

"Fuck, Blinky the Nun needs a thick one more than anyone."

Though she knows Riley will show up to get her soon, she doesn't even want to think about her best friend. The look that she got while being tugged away by her pal, Officer Rick, was enough to make Maya want to stay out of trouble until she's in her grave.

That wouldn't last, obviously, but while it did, it really sucked.

"Well, y'know those flyers that went around the main hall?" Lucas breaks the silence after noticing her tense.

They'd found out that they went to university together about two weeks earlier. Their altercations progressed from nonchalant waves across campus to flirty hellos in passing right up until Riley very strongly urged her away from the boy that she shared a cell after her streaking incident.

" _He could give you syphilis, Maya! **Syphilis**!"_

She knew that he couldn't, but she still obeyed as she always tried to do with Riley despite her joy from Lucas and the little game they played between lectures.

"The ones for that lame logistics professor?" She'd seen when she'd left for the Lord's house with Blinky this morning. She was grabbing snacks from a vending machine to cure the munchies that she was positive she would have hours later when she was

handed a very skillfully photoshopped picture the school's worst teacher inside of a dog.

"Oh yeah," Maya's eyes go wide as she connects the dots. "You made those 'Boggs Fucks Dogs' flyers? Nice."

"Thanks, it took like three nights to get 'em so realistic." Mad Dog beams at Maya's compliment. His lopsided smile makes her steady heartbeat pickup.

"Friar. Hart. You're free to go, your friends are here."

"Friar?" she asks as he helps her up.

"Lucas Friar," he introduces, moving his hand into hers for an awkward handshake, "Resident prison wife and friendly university prankster."

"Maya Hart," she returns the gesture, "Resident jail pimp and not so friendly neighborhood vandal."

He narrows his eyes with a smirk, stepping back so that she could exit before him. "Hm. I liked Penelope better."

"I wish I could say the same about Mad Dog." She leads the way, assuming the boy standing beside Riley with that same disapproving look is Lucas's best friend.

"I'm not even gonna start with you," the mystery boy sighs, earning a snicker from Maya.

"Ooh, Huckleberry's _in trouble_ ," she drags out, Riley slapping her bicep in the process.

"Ooh, Penelope's _in trouble_ ," Lucas retorts childishly, his own responsible half doing the same to his forearm.

"Let's just go home before they give me a badge for being here so much," Riley groans, the plastic bag full of Maya's personals getting shoved into the shorter girl's chest.

"Same time next month?" Lucas jokes to the girls walking away. He smirks at the simultaneous "Don't even think about it!" and "Sure thing, Sundance!" that he gets before Maya can hear the sound of a hand smacking his skin once again.

 ** _3._**

"But it was only a tiny dent?" Maya asks Lucas for the umpteenth time, her eyebrows knit tightly at how idiotic boys truly can be. They'd landed behind bars together for the third time in two months. Honestly, she's not even exactly sure why she's surprised to see him sitting in the same spot she had not even a week ago.

"No, Maya, you don't get it. My mom's insurance rate _just_ went down. She let me borrow the car for one weekend, and this asshole just hits me like it's nothing? I _had_ to fight him."

He's been speaking the entire time animatedly about this fender bender that had landed him in the precinct, blaming it all on some high school student that he beat to a bloody pulp. Maya's eyes glance from his bruised knuckles to his pristine face and she wonders if the poor kid even really stood a chance.

The whole insurance aspect she understands, though. It was wrong of this guy to not take the accident seriously. He should've offered to pay for damages before the insurance companies were brought in, even if it was a minor thing. "But kicking his ass to the point of being arrested?"

Lucas shrugs sheepishly at the ground. "Sometimes when I get mad...I just can't stop. It's like... I just kind of erupt like a volcano and all this lava is pouring out destroying everything, and by the time I realize it's destroying I'm just... I dunno. Not my favorite thing about myself, I guess."

She can feel the air getting more tense as his insecurities pour out. He's being so genuine and honest that this moment almost seems... intimate. She feels like she's being intimate with him, which Maya Hart certainly doesn't do- even with very cute boys in very small cells- so she jumps to lighten the mood again.

"Well, you remember the nuns? Blinky and her crew put on this super nice banquet to raise money for charity- which is great! Except everything was _free_. They dedicated hours upon nights upon days upon weeks upon months into this thing, not to mention thousands of good church citizens' money, and they weren't charging all the rich, snooty asshats that showed up a dime."

"You made an entrance fee, I'm assuming?"

"Then spent the money on a new bike." Maya's words show no shame.

"But it would've been a crime not to charge."

She throws her arms into the air, glad that someone finally sees her point of view. She'd listened to like ten nuns yelling at her about morals and being a good Christian for well over fifteen minutes before actually being taken in. She almost scoffs because Riley wonders why she's not religious. "That's what I said! But do I get a thanks? _No_. I just get a 'Maya, you're no longer allowed at any church functions!'. Pfft, like I wanted to sit and deal with nuns letting everyone take advantage of them like crazy..."

"Blinky's gonna get you back in?" Lucas scrunches his nose knowingly.

"She was already working on it before I made it into the cop car."

 ** _4._**

When the fourth afternoon of sharing a holding cell with Mad Dog Friar rolls around, Maya begins to wonder if it's a coincidence anymore.

"Sent by the school, too?" Lucas asks, spotting be the campus security guard that escorted him in only an hour earlier shaking his head at the two of them.

"Must be Rick's day off. He's usually my request," Maya shrugs, her legs swinging out after she sits. She pouts at the ground and decides that she's not really feeling up for a conversation, even with Lucas.

Riley's pissed at her.

Like _pissed_.

She's never seen Riley so upset in their entire friendship, let alone towards Maya directly. She gets it, she really does. Riley's angry that she landed herself back in the precinct for the second time this month. She's trying to look out for her, she knows that. She just wants Maya to succeed. It's really sweet and really kind and really...well, Riley of her. Maya just wishes that Riley could be mad at her without the harsh looks and tones and disappointment lectures.

"You alright, Penelope? You haven't made fun of my voice yet." Lucas nudges her arm, frowning when she doesn't react. She holds back a smile at his expectations because, though she'll never admit it, their banter is her favorite thing that has ever wiggled its way into her daily schedule.

"I just really fucked up," she sighs. She wonders if Riley's even going to come and get her this time.

"What'd you do?" She contemplates the cons of confiding in him before ultimately deciding to fuck it all and do it. Riley's mad at her, she's sitting in jail, how much worse could the day get?

"I interrupted this lame club thing with a megaphone and rapped some Ludacris..." It sounds ridiculous when she says it aloud, but then again she does understand that Sexting isn't his most _tasteful_ song to perform. "It's not that I did it, though. It's just that Riles is mad at me for it. Like... **_really_** mad."

"Riles?"

"Riley. Blinky the Nun. My best friend of fifteen years that's never been quite this mad at me ever."

"Ah."

Maya purses her lips, kicking the tip of her shoe at the concrete ground. "She asked me why I keep doing these stupid things to get into trouble. She was telling me that I'm not in high school anymore, I need to grow up. The girl with a bunny night light told me to grow up. How ironic, right?" She laughs bitterly to cover up the guilt pooling in her stomach. "I did it on a bet. My friend Missy is going to give me thirty bucks for singing that stupid song while the music nerds had their meeting. It was harmless. I wouldn't even care about it, but Riley's face was just so..."

"Disappointed?"

"Hopeless." Maya voice cracks, never thinking that there would be a day that Riley would give up on her.

"That's rough." His hand pats on the top of her thigh and she forces a sad smile as thanks. "If it helps, my Riley is mad at me, too."

"Your Riley?" She wonders if his Riley is quite as intense as her own.

"Yeah. His name's Zay. Best friend of twelve years. He's mad at me, too. Granted, I pissed in the halls, but..."

"You pissed in the halls?" Maya questions in disbelief.

"It was a bet, too. My head got too big for my own good. I bragged a bit too much about an ungraded essay, didn't do so hot, had to bark and piss all over the English department for being such an ass... Just dumb frat stuff. Zay didn't even say anything when he saw. He just shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose before walking away." As odd as it seems, she almost finds herself smiling because it's nice to know that she's not the only person out there disappointing their best friend. He understands the long car rides after being bailed out for stupid shit, making it that much easier to slide towards him when his hand rubs circles on the small of her back.

"Sometimes that's worse than a lecture," Maya adds, tucking her head into his shoulder. "Do you think he's going to come and get you?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if I'm sitting in here for a few more hours... At least we have each other, right?"

Despite her shaky breath, she manages a small smile towards the idea. "Yeah, we have each other."

 ** _5._**

Contrary to popular belief, Maya Hart does not mix well with alcohol. In fact, every time that she's ever been more than slightly buzzed since having her first drink at fifteen, she has ended up behind bars-which makes her first Halloween at university a no brainer trip in a cop car.

"Hu-uh!-ck'eberry!" she hiccups as she approaches him. "I knew you were gonna be here!"

"Wow, the outfit is just for me, isn't it?" Lucas chuckles, her short skirt swinging as she throws herself onto his lap. They'd both coincidentally gone with Wild West themes this Halloween, colors in sync as much as their intentions. Granted his was a bit more modest than her miniskirt and cropped shirt, but they matched no less.

"Of course it is!" she grins cheekily, relaxing against his arms sliding around her waist as her own found his neck. "I knew that'd find ya here! I jus' knew 'cause I'm so smart." Her pointer finger taps her temple in a sloppy fashion before going back to touching him.

"Of course, you are," Lucas feeds into her, smiling at the uneven tip of the cowboy hat on her forehead. She could tell that he was trying to avoid staring at her exposed skin, but, for fuck's sake, she wasn't wearing a flannel tied to her chest for him not to look. She'd specifically chosen this outfit as soon as she saw it while costume shopping with Riley because she knew that she'd be drinking in turn that she'd be put in a cell for her actions while drinking just like she was every time she was in contact with liquor. With their obvious pattern of getting arrested simultaneously, Lucas would be forced to handle her in a skimpy outfit probably fit for a porno.

"You c'n look, y'know," she flirts, wiggling her hips a tiny bit to see him squirm. "I wore it jus' for you 'cause I smartly jus' knew where you were s'posedta be tonight in time here." Maya's eyebrows furrow together, her voice lowering to a whisper as if digging into a secret she shouldn't know. "Hey... why're ya in here?"

Lucas pushes her off of his lap to avoid the... _excitement_ his body naturally responds with towards a scarcely clothed girl on top of him, though he immediately regrets it spotting her pout. "I.. uh, a little fight. This guy was obnoxiously drunk in this bar that I snuck into, and he started harassing this girl, so I just...all the lava destroyed everything again, Penelope."

"Oh, Huck'eberry..." she coos, her hand brushing his cheek sympathetically. "I don't like it when your lava jus' 'splodes all over..." Maya did really wish that he didn't fight. After finding out that they share a school, it didn't take long for rumors about the southern boy with a temper to spread her way. At least she was only in the precinct for underaged drinking.

"I know," Lucas sighs. She tries to get into his lap again, but he protests. "You really shouldn't-"

"Sh, sh, _shhhh_." Her entire hand smushes against his face, muffling any doubts that he may try to give her. "What's that one song?" She clumsily straddles him, her speech slurring in the slightest.

"I-I really don't know what you're talking about, Maya..."

"You do," she persists, pressing her pointer finger into his chest. "You know 'sactly the song."

His cheeks blaze when she softly grinds herself against him. "I...u-uh..."

"I remember!" she announces, exhibiting her excitement in another roll of her hips. "Remember?" She leans in close, the smirk she forms pooling nothing but heat between them. "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

 ** _+1._**

"No, Officer, you don't understand. It was a joke!" Lucas cries out from beside Maya. His hands fly up against the ceiling of the cop car.

In fairness, it _was_ a joke. (At first.)

When he announced to her that he didn't think that she would pull a live starfish out of a tank at the aquarium and eat it, it was a _joke_. She was telling him these morbid stories of the Chinese using starfish, his _**favorite**_ sea creature, for cuisine, and he just didn't believe her so he did what any logical man would've done in his situation; he told her that no one would ever consume the most beautiful and fascinating life form in the endless possibility of the sea.

"Quickdraw, are you really challenging me right now?" She smirked dangerously.

He laughed at her harshly. "Of course, I am. You wouldn't do it!"

His breath hitched as Maya stepped up to his face. "Bet that I won't."

"Y-y..ou won't," he stuttered out with the best intimidating look he could muster with a growing blush.

Lucas learned quite quickly that he did _not_ know Maya as much as he thinks he did.

"This girl, this _psychopath_ , she just took a starfish- a beautiful starfish that was one of the rarest species to have in our own local aquarium!- and she bit three of its limbs off! Three! I know that it'll regenerate, but the point isn't that it will, the point is that it now _has_ to!" He has a sour expression as Maya cackles from his left. "I can't do this! I need to go! My momma says I go home by the streetlights turning on, I cannot be in this car right now."

"Ranger Rick, we're _nineteen_. Your momma doesn't tell you when to go home anymore, genius."

The officer lets out a long sigh as the bickering in the back seat grows louder.

"My momma also didn't tell me that I would be spending my afternoon with a **murderer**."

"A murderer? Really, Sundance? You were the one that dared me!"

"You weren't supposed to actually do it!"

"Okay, **_enough_**!" the policeman begs, finally pulling into the station. "Just get in there so that you can just... ** _stop_**!"

Reluctantly, the two slide out of the car with the link of a single pair of cuffs between them. For security precautions after snatching them for making such a scene at the marine exhibit. According to their legal companion, Lucas lifting and threatening to throw Maya into the entire interactive coral reef for her act of foul play as she screamed at the top of her lungs that she would tear his balls right off wasn't appropriate for the public eye. The station had received a total of _sixteen_ phone calls reporting the disturbance.

"Together?" Rick snorts to the pair as they entered the precinct. He catches a glimpse of Lucas's grouchy pout and Maya's smug grin to match. "Figures the one day I don't pick ya up, kid, you're with Pretty Boy."

Maya shrugs shamelessly, the release of their cuffs prompting Lucas to dash to the far end of the holding cell in order to avoid that _heathen_ at all costs.

 _A starfish_ , his inner voice wept while picturing the magnificent sea star that Maya had devoured, _An innocent little **starfish**._

He exhaled deeply, praying to the high heavens that Zay would arrive soon to free him. Never again would he underestimate Maya Penelope Hart.


End file.
